In each case, you need a good coach. While struggling with my butterfly, I watched a few videos and read up on it in an attempt to improve my technique. But it’s just not ‘there’. And it never will be. My TDD skill is the same way. Underdeveloped. No amount of reading will get me where I would need to be with either topic if I depended on programming or swimming for a living. Hence the need for a coach. A coach will examine what you are doing and supply what you are missing or overlooking. A coach will help you build technique and strength.
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Pair Programming is like that. There are so many little things in this technique that can render it ineffective. What do most people do with an ineffective development practice? Typically, they drop it. At worst they keep doing it the same useless way, or they quit and then disparage it publicly. But at best, they get someone to improve their technique. Hence the need for a coach. I can watch a pair for a few minutes and usually give them half a dozen improvements right off. Chairs, posture, distance, and desk. Surface, keyboards, monitors and mice. Smells, habits, distractions and dirt. Communication, collaboration, cordiality, and care. Promiscuous, driving, navigating and alignment. A coach will examine what you are doing and supply what you are missing or overlooking. A coach will help you build technique and strength.